Ten Commandments for Parents!

These tiny reminders might make your parenting days go better.

1. Let your children know each day how wonderful they are! Especially if they are teenagers.( Teenagers are under a constant strain with today’s social media telling them that they aren’t good enough.) It doesn’t need to be a big complement — although those are always great. Just telling your child one small thing you appreciate about them is enough.
2. Hug them! Not only is it good for them! It is good for you! Physical closeness and hugs are healing. Hugs have been clinically proven to reduce stress.
3. Spend time with your children! Again, this sounds basic. But so many parents are waiting for the big vacation when they will really have time to bond. Just having lunch together or watching T.V. is just fine. You are never too old to go minature golfing or draw togehter. Baking muffins or dance parties in the kitchen are what they will remember as they age.
4. Listen to your children! I remember my own Mom saying: “if you listen to the little things, they will tell you the big things.” Let your children tell you their dreams and desires. By the way, it is not your job to tell them how impractical they are being if have lofty pursuits such as wanting to be a professional Opera singer or soccer player. Life will wheedle them down. They may become what they desire! They may not! Your job as a parent is to be their biggest fan. And a shoulder to cry on after a big set back.
5. Support your children even if they do something you don’t like! This one is really hard. But they won’t give up on themselves, if you don’t give up on them. I hated when my son quit guitar. He has a beautiful singing voice and I thought the guitar would make a welcome companion. It was only later when he started singing with the Chorus, I realized singing for him was fun in a group activity. Being a solo guitarist was my dream for him — not his.
6. Respect your children! There are a lot of parents that say. “Kids need to respect their parents.” I wholeheartly agree! However, I see many parents not respecting their children’s time, preferences, or privacy. Like any relationship, it is a two way street. We must respect them and in turn they will respect us.
7. Remember what it was like for you at their age! What would you have wanted from your parents? For some of us parents, we had mothers or fathers who hovered. We found that crippleing. For others, our parents left us alone to handle struggles independenly. Think back on what would have been useful for you at the current age of your child.
8. Attend to your feelings and irrationalities! I hate to admit it but one very bad parenting day. I told my daughter that I wished she could be more like my niece. She burst into tears! Ran into her room sobbing. I had gone too far! (An awful moment.) I was mortified. I apologized. I told her how sorry I was. Then I remembered that as a little one myself, my Mom compared me to others constantly. It hurt so much. And I noticed that when I’m acting irrationaly, the first impulse is for me to act out the hurt that was instilled on me. We just regurgitate what we were forced to swallow.
9. Go tech free for at least one day per week! And I mean every week for one whole day! There have been countless studies about the harmless effects of tech on our brians and relationships. It also effects our parenting. Every Friday my family and I do a tech free Shabbot. (Thanks to the brillaint book by Tiffany Shlain!) We bake bread, play games and rediscover each other. We also rest and recharge. At the beginning of each season, we make check lists of fun things we want to do together. Then tack the list on the fridge. We enjoy checking off our completed days of fun.
10. Always remember you are a good parent! This is the most important one! Given everything, every parent at every given moment, is doing the best they can! Yes, it is true. Always remember you are good parent and the best parent for your child simply because you are you!