Five things to avoid when you are feeling discouraged.

Saying no to vampires, ex lovers, and isolation will set you back on the right path!

We all get discouraged! Where we can’t see what we want or who we want or where we want to go.

Discouragement is always temporary! Think about it. Eventually you get out of a funk, get dressed and do your best.

No one stays in a discouragement forever. However, if like me, you still feel discouraged from time to time. And when you do, it feels like perpetual playlist with no sunny songs.

So when that happens, be sure you say no to these familiar pulls.

Say no to these .

1. No Vampire friendships. We’ve all had a few of these. The “friends” that suck you dry. That are there when the pictures are being taken but can’t be found when the dishes need to be done. They ask for referrals, rides or reservations. However, when you could use an introduction or an invite, they seem to be suddenly out of reach.

Say yes to this .

Call your besties even if you haven’t talked in months or years. Even if you’ve lost touch. True friends are never lost — only misplaced!

2. No ex lovers! I know you do it. I do too. Last month I couldn’t seem to finish a draft of my most recent screenplay. The characters weren’t talking. So I convinced myself that if I did research on my old boyfriend, it would allow me a fresh perspective on the breakup scene I was trying to write. I was wrong! Instead it sent me down a rabbit hole of Facebook and then even to Redfin. I looked up how much his house sold for in 2015. Useless information! And no, it didn’t help me with the breakup scene. Instead, it just made me even more depressed about the real estate market.

Say yes to doing something with your hands. Any heavy mental work demands breaks! When I can’t think about words anymore. I take my hands to scissors. Cutting, pasting and taping are wonderful distractions. I wrap lovely presents. Or make collage cards. I water my garden. Anything that will take you away from the downward spiral of searching on the internet for something you don’t really want to find.

3. No to isolation. Get over it. No one has ever done well alone! We’ve all spent too much time alone and with Covid it’s gotten worse. Sometimes we think: I just need to be by myself. Forget it! Success always happens in clusters and co-horts. Find one.

Say yes, to Clubhouse, events, Zoom gatherings, book clubs, hiking buddies, accountablity groups. Now, more than ever, you have new ways to make connections that often turn into friends or colleagues.

4. No long range planning . When we feel discouraged, we feel as if we need to change everything. We don’t! Long range planning is best done when you are feeling hopeful. You will feel hopeful again! That’s the time to get our the eighteen month planner. For right now a good twenty minute plan or what you are going to have for lunch is a fine step forward.

Say yes, to tiny steps. When I’m stuck, I say to myself. “You will write for five minutes, that’s it!” I set a timer and allow myself just five minutes. Anyone can do anything for five minutes.

5. No more being hard on yourself. This one is the most important! No one ever had done better by self reproach or self criticism. Ever. We live in a world where you are either labeled amazing or awful. That keeps us nervous and hard on ourselves. Go ahead be pleased with yourself about anything. The banana bread you made, the compliment you gave a friend or the walk where you noticed something new.

Say yes to letting yourself be delighted with yourself! You are a marvel! Each and every person is a light in the world. Discouragement dims our light only temporarily. Soon the light will be in full force again!